remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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