Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
