I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
