Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
