just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
