I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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