do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
