From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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