After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Randomize
