I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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