If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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