We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
