miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Randomize
