Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I cut my penus on the lid.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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