Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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