I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
