those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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