This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
