I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
