There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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