i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
