Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
