He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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