Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
