i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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