I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
it's great music for shaving your balls
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
