Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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