when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
