the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
