since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Couch. On fire.
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