Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
