i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We need to get me chipped asap
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
