While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
