ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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