I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
