After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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