i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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