Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
