I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize