I feel great
I just peed on a car
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
