omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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