My underwear smells like fireworks.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
