just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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