I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
