In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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