Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
