Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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