Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Randomize
