new low.... made out with someone while peeing
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
