Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
