I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
