his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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