if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
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