Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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