i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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