i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
