Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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