We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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