New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
