chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I touched a dick in church today
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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