the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize