Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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