i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
