One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize