You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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