There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
When are your genitals available?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
