He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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