the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
