hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize