He uses pillows to masturbate.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
