I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
