just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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