It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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