I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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