Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
