she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize