When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
BRING THE BAGELS
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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