She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
