I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Randomize
