there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
