i need an iv and a liver transplant
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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