You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
