is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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