She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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