How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
