Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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