I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize