i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
