have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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