We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
