so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
where does the pee come out of this thing
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
