Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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