Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize