New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
