Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
