You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize