i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
