I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
