so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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